


A Super Spiteful Sleepover

by Swing_and_Cinema



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types, batfam - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, Gen, clark wonders what he got he got himself into, everyone is too stubborn for their own good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-03-20 11:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13716423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swing_and_Cinema/pseuds/Swing_and_Cinema
Summary: Bruce and his kids get into a competition of who can be more stubborn. Clark ends up with a floor full of batkids.





	1. Chapter 1

Just as Clark was sitting down to eat his dinner for one, a knock sounded at his door. A quick look with x-ray vision showed that it was Bruce’s kids (well some of them) at his door. Dick, Tim, Stephanie, Damian, and Cassie. They’d all been to his apartment at some point or another, but never all together, and never unexpected. Fearing the worst, he opened the door. 

“Yes?” he asked.

“We’re moving in with you:, Damian declared. It was then that he noticed the luggage and the pillows and blankets.

“I’m sorry what?”

A chorus of voices rang out.

“Well Bruce said…”  
“  
…like we would ever…”

“… I cannot believe that Father…”

Clark held up his hand in a time out signal. Everyone stopped. “Dick, care to explain?”

“Long story short, we were arguing with Bruce. And then someone said ‘Fine, we’ll just move in with Superman’ and then he said ‘no you wouldn’t’ and so here we are.”

Clark sighed. “So you’re saying that your all moving in with me just to make a point to Bruce?”

“Exactly!”

“Not permanently,” Tim said quickly. “Just for the night. Maybe two. Just long enough to make Bruce admit that he was wrong.”

Clark snorted. “As if that man would ever admit that he was in the wrong. You can’t out stubborn Bruce. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“Maybe” said Stephanie. “But the look on his face when we left was priceless. I took a picture, do you want to see?” She pulled out her phone.

“No I- wait you don’t even live with Bruce.”

“Nah, but I’m always up for a chance to stick it to the man.” She passed her phone to Clark.

Cass nodded. “Solidarity.”

Glancing at the photo, Clark couldn’t help a small laugh. The look on Bruce’s face WAS priceless. He sighed, but with a smile. “Alright, what the hell. It’s just for the night, right?”  
As the kids (and he still thought of them as kids, its didn’t matter how old they got) started settling in, Clark realized that he should feed them. Ma had drilled hospitality into him from a young age, and hospitality meant feeding your guests.

“Have you guys had dinner yet? I didn’t make enough for everyone, but I can cook more. Or I could order some pizzas maybe?”

“Pizza sounds great,” Tim said. “But don’t worry we’ll get it.”

“Did not give back credit cards”. Cass grinned.

As the kids were arguing about what to order, Clark’s phone rang. Not surprisingly, it was Bruce.

He picked up. “Hello?”

“Are they with you?” Bruce was never one for small talk.

“Oh, I’m doing pretty well, thank you. What about you?”

“Clark.”

He gave an amused sigh. “Yes Bruce, your kids are here. They’re ordering dinner now.”

“Tell them that they’re being ridiculous and stubborn, and to come home immediately.”

“Funny, they said the same thing about you.”

“Tell Father that we’re not coming home until he apologizes and admits that he was wrong!” Damian called out.

Bruce did not agree to that. As he hung up the phone, Clark realized that he was enjoying himself far too much.

Clark’s apartment really wasn’t built for this many people, but after dinner and board games (and Clark learning why most board games were banned at the manor) and clean up, the kids all managed to stake out a place to sleep in the living room. It was a bit crowded, but it was only for one night, right?


	2. Chapter 2

When Clark arose early the next morning, he was the only one awake. He surveyed the others. Cass looked peaceful as always, Stephanie was face down into her pillow, Dick was hanging off the couch and Damian and Tim were…cuddling?? He hesitated for a moment, unsure whether to wake them, and finallytouched Dick’s shoulder.

“Mmmmffff” he buried his face in the cushions. “Go awaaayyy.”

“Dick,” Clark said softly. "I need to talk to you."

"Nooo..."

He tried another tactic. “Tim and Damian are cuddling.” Dick jumped up, suddenly awake.

“What! Really? Oh my gosh.” He stared at them for a moment. “I need pictures.” He began rummaging around for his phone.

Clark waited for him to snap a few before clearing his throat. “So um, do I need to cook you guys breakfast before I go?”

“Nah, we can handle ourselves. You’ve got cereal, right? Toast?”

“Yes and yes.” He hesitated. “What about school? I know you’re too old, but surely someone goes to school?”

Dick thought for a moment. “No. Well not regular school. Tim dropped out, but honestly he’s smarter than anyone there, and already running Wayne Enterprises so he doesn’t really need it, you know? Damian’s homeschooled, but he can take a few days off. I think Steph is taking classes online? Cass isn’t in school that I know of.”

“Alright. So I guess you guys will just stay in the apartment?”

“Nah, I’ll take them to the zoo or something. Damian will love it. And it’ll be nice to go without it being for a case.”

“How often do you… You know what, it’s Gotham I’m not even going to ask.”

Everything seemed settled then. Clark felt bad leaving them alone. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them, or thought that they needed a babysitter, but his Ma would have considered it bad hospitality. Did it really count, though, if it was just a plot to irritate his friend? Anyways, he really needed to go to work. (Well, maybe he could have missed a day, but he didn’t want to miss a chance to see Lois.) He compromised by going home for lunch.

He found another of Bruce’s kids.

“Oh no,” said Clark.

“Oh yes,” said Jason, high fiving Stephanie.

Clark sighed. “Should we be expecting Barbara to join us, too?"

“No,” said Dick. “I invited her, but she says that she’s “not as petty as the rest of us” and that we “all need to stop acting like children, including Bruce”.

Well, thinks Clark, at least there’s one sensible person in Gotham. Maybe he could get through the rest of the day without any more surprises.  
He was wrong, of course.

After dinner, the ‘kids’ began suiting up in their uniforms.

“Um,” said Clark.

Tim explained. “We were talking while you were at work. And we realized that if we’re living with you, that makes you our mentor.”

“So… you decided to help me fight crime here in Metropolis?”

“Right.”

“It was very nice of you to offer but, um…” Clark didn’t know how to put it politely. “Here in Metropolis we don’t… that is, the crime rates are uh…”

Tim understood. “Crime rates are lower here than in Gotham. And you don’t need help from a bunch of non-superpowered vigilantes. I mean, you’re literally Superman.”  
“No, well I mean yes, but I didn’t mean that you aren’t helpful.”

“Its fine, I get.” said Tim. “There’s just another issue.”

“What's that?” 

“Damian." Jason said, jumping into the conversation. "He probably hasn’t been in a fight in over twenty-four hours. I’m afraid that he’s just going to lose it and attack someone.”

Damian appeared at Clark’s side so suddenly that he was reminded of Bruce.

“It’s true. I have been thinking about stabbing Drake.”

“What, like you aren't usually trying to kill me?”

“I have not stabbed you in two weeks and you know this!” Arguing broke out.

Clark put his head in his hands and sighed. He was pretty sure that they were trying to manipulate him. They’d probably been planning this all afternoon. Damian wasn't actually going to stab anyone, right? He wasn’t taking any chances.

“Fine, you can all come out with me.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was quickly apparent that crime fighting in Metropolis was very different than in Gotham. Tim had compiled a detailed map of the city with data on crime rates, police response time and several numbers that Clark didn't understand.

“So what is your usual patrol route like?”

‘I ah… don’t really have one. I usually just listen for signs of trouble.” Six pairs of unblinking eyes stared at him. “…sometimes I fly around the city and keep an eye on things?”

Jason snorted. “Called it. So since that’s obviously not an option for us, what do you have for us Timberly?”

Tim muttered at the nickname and laid out his strategy. He had assigned everyone a specific district of the city, except for Nightwing and Robin, who were assigned three to share, along with a mapped out route for patrol and details of what to expect. Spoiler and Batgirl’s routes overlapped, which they seemed happy about. Red Hood was positioned far away from both Robin and Red Robin. Clark had to admit that it was extremely well organized, if a bit unnecessary. But it would be good to get them out of the apartment for a while.

“You’ve got us well covered,” said Dick. He turned to Clark. “Any rules?”

Rules! Rules were a good idea. He thought quickly, trying to remember what Batman’s were. “No killing, obviously. No guns.”

“No one ever lets me have any fun,” said Jason. Clark ignored him.

“No fighting with each other. If you get into trouble, call me. Don’t take on major villains by yourself, call me. If you see signs that Luthor is up to anything, call me.” They nodded.

“And by call me, I mean yell ‘Hey Superman!’”. 

Stephanie grinned. “Don’t ever tell Bruceman that. He would literally rather die than yell for help.”

“I know. Believe me I know.”

Even though the kids had claimed not to need his help, and were probably right, Clark still felt responsible for them. Criminals in Metropolis were generally less cruel and vicious than those in Gotham, but they were used to dealing with Superman, not unpowered teenagers. That might make them more bold than usual. So Superman went patrolling too, out of the way, but ready for any signs of trouble, which there were none.

After a long, but quiet night (the kids looked bored?) they returned to Clark’s apartment. He wondered, as the others crashed on his floor, whether “Gotham Sidekicks Spotted in Metropolis” would make a good headline. 

It was nearly noon, and the kids were still asleep, when Clark heard a knock at the door. His mind raced, trying to figure out if Bruce had acquired any more kids without telling him. But it wasn’t a kid.

“Hello, Master Kent.” Alfred was carrying a single duffle bag.

“Listen Alfred- here, come in- I am all for giving Bruce a hard time, but this is getting ridiculous. There is literally no room left on my floor. Would you like something to drink?”

“I’ll take a cup of tea, thank you. But don’t worry about your floor sir, you won’t have to endure my presence that long. Master Bruce will see the error of his ways before long.”

They moved to the kitchen, which was in reality only a few steps away, for tea. Alfred insisted on making it himself; he was only going to be Clark’s butler for less than a day, but he was determined to do it right. The noise of Alfred’s arrival woke them all.

“Pennyworth, what are you doing here?” Damian demanded.

“I believe I am joining your revolution, young master Wayne.”

“Tt,” he said. “Who will feed Titus? And Alfred? And Bat-cow? Father does not know how to care for them properly. We should fetch them.”

“Oh no,” Clark interjected. “I have been very accommodating so far. But there is NOT room in my apartment for a cow.”

“I left more than enough food for the day. Your Father will give in long before then.”

Cassandra nodded gleefully. “Needs Alfred. Remember vacation in February? Disaster.”

“February?” said Clark. “Isn’t that when Gotham almost burned down?” Tim coughed awkwardly. No one would look Clark in the eyes. 

Clark enjoyed having a butler, while it lasted. Less than two hours after Alfred arrived, a familiar knock sounded at the door. 

Alfred answered. “I’m sorry Mr. Wayne, but Master Kent is not expecting any visitors at this time.

Bruce sighed, a sigh that started at his feet and ended somewhere near Clark’s ceiling. “I would like to make a statement.”

“Yes?” said Alfred.

“I get your point. You can all come home now.”

“That doesn’t sound like an apology to me,” said Stephanie.

“Yeah, I think you can do better,” added Jason.

Bruce sighed again, a sigh that was somehow deeper than the first.

“I am sorry for what I said. It was wrong of me. And I will not doubt your stubbornness again. You really will move in with Clark. And recruit others to your cause.” He paused. “Is   
that satisfactory?”

Dick gathered the others in a huddle. They whispered fiercely for a minute or two. Finally they broke. 

“We accept your apology, Father,” Damian said loftily. “We will return home with you now.”

Alfred organized everyone quickly to pack up their things, and clean up after themselves. After a bit of squabbling about who was riding with who, the Waynes were out the door, leaving Clark’s apartment empty once again.

He never did find out what the original fight was about.


End file.
